Lend Me Your Ears – Bike Snob NYC

Heads up! Simply when it was protected to fully try, packs of younger ne’er-do-wells on electrical Citi Bikes are coming to your headphones:

The mother or father and “reactionary” (as a commenter referred to me lately) in me is outraged and disgusted by the craven habits of those youths and their wanton disregard for the legislation, whereas the victim-blaming New Yorker in me is astonished that anyone feels snug strolling round in public sporting $600 headphones:

Look, I’m not justifying the thieves’ habits in any approach. No person is entitled to steal, and no one deserves to get robbed, and you need to be protected to put on the fruits of your labor (or on this case of your father’s labor) proudly as you stroll across the metropolis. Nonetheless, there’s the best way issues needs to be and the best way they’re, and this actually does really feel like strolling round with $100 payments taped to your head.

That’s why I all the time put on camouflage headphones:

If somebody’s not already promoting hair covers for these items then there’s your million greenback thought, you’re welcome.

In fact, sensible politicians know higher than responsible juvenile delinquents or folks sporting costly headphones. In case you’re going to pander, the sensible transfer is responsible the e-bikes:

It looks like everyone in New York Metropolis is using e-bikes, and everyone in New York additionally hates them, type of like how Taylor Swift is the largest pop star on the planet and in addition will get booed on the Tremendous Bowl. There’s actually a lot about e-bikes that annoy me, too, although after all the scenario is much extra nuanced than the politicians and the anti-e-bike set make it out to be, and I’m not thus far gone as to overlook there’s a giant distinction between a motorcycle with {an electrical} help and this goddamn factor, which needs to be rolled proper off the Manhattan Bridge:

Smug as they might be, Streetblog can also be proper that there’s extra to e-bikes than simply “chaos:”

And that the true victims in all of this can absolutely be Brooklyn dads named Silas who shuttle their children round on e-bikes:

Although I don’t understand how useful it’s for them to level this out, for the reason that solely factor that makes sure New Yorkers angrier than roving packs of hoodlums is Brooklyn dads named Silas who shuttle their children round on e-bikes. They’re much more despised than meals supply folks.

As for me, I simply stay glad that e-bikes have made folks in New York Metropolis overlook how a lot they hate common bikes, and have additionally made bike thieves fully tired of them. I understand I’m tempting destiny within the worst attainable approach by saying this, however I’ll however share that I don’t notably fear when locking up a motorcycle like this anymore:

It’s now the meals supply business that’s driving the bicycle black market, which is why they’ll stab you with a screwdriver to your e-bike:

In the meantime, no one’s doing DoorDash on a Platypus, and you’ll’t match a 30-piece crew pack from Wingstop in a Sackville BagBoy. It’s not even insulated for chrissake! Positive, I suppose somebody from the RBW Homeowners Bunch might cyberstalk me and steal my Zefal body pump, however total I like my odds.

No, I’d fear much more if I rode a bicycle hearse, since you might match a shitload of Uber Eats in that child: