It’s a very good factor that Australia is all the way in which on the opposite facet of the planet as a result of my worst nightmare is by some means getting blended up within the World Bare Bike Journey:
The World Bare Bike Journey combines the 2 issues I consider individuals shouldn’t flaunt publicly: their exuberance, and their genitals. Positive, there’s a time and a spot for each, however I shouldn’t should cope with both of them on my approach to work. Nevertheless, some individuals really feel fairly in a different way, they usually relish being surrounded by a bunch fellow riders whose ass cheeks are indistinguishable from their saddlebags:
The concept of World Bare Bike Journey members making an attempt vigorously and vainly to wipe issues off of one another’s faces and different physique components is now going to hang-out my goals.
After all, that is Australia, so whereas the members received’t be carrying garments, they are going to be carrying helmets:
It appears to me when you actually wished to make some extent about liberating cyclists from the tyranny of fossil fuels and the motorized vehicle industrial advanced you’d have a World Helmetless Bike Journey. It doesn’t even make sense from a security perspective, as a result of when you’re going to fall off your bike, which might you fairly be carrying: a helmet, or pants? “Positive, I’ve bought a saddle sore the scale of a cantaloupe on my scranus and street rash alongside your complete size of my penis, however thank goodness I used to be carrying a helmet!” However I assume individuals in Australia are so deeply conditioned that they will experience round bare and in helmets with out experiencing any cognitive dissonance.
And talking of saddle sores, why drag the poor harmless bicycle into this disgusting mess, anyway? Wouldn’t the perfect car for driving bare be an e-scooter?
I’m not an enormous fan of them myself, however objectively talking there’s actually no higher contraption for bare driving, because you get most visibility and minimal crotchal chafing, to not point out wonderful airflow round and thru your undercarriage.
However in fact the World Bare Bike Journey isn’t about sensible concerns, it’s about “desexualizing the human physique:”
Hey, how’s that understanding for you, Australia?
And don’t overlook crucial consideration in any respect–the local weather!
The conspiracy ought to be apparent to anybody who’s learn the most recent Trek Sustainability Report:
Do you know they’re portray their bikes with natural supplies now?
Their emblem is even created from “biomass waste:”
Right here’s what biomass waste means:
World Bare Bike Journey? Physique paint? Paint created from biomass waste?!?
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW???
That’s proper, inside 5 years the biking business goes to dispose of clothes altogether. As a substitute, you’ll experience bare, they usually’ll promote you a can of manure and sewage sludge to color your self with earlier than the massive experience. Perhaps it’ll even include a complete banana peel you should use as a chamois.
However let’s not lose sight of the truth that the most important supply of Trek’s emissions isn’t the paint, or the clothes, and even the helmets. It’s the bicycles themselves:
Appears fairly clear to me that Trek ought to cease making bikes.
