We right here at Tan Tenovo’s Contrarian Font of Velocipedal Bloviation are large supporters of ultra-mega endurance racing:
And so the whole employees–that’s me, Antonio the Helper Monkey (Vito’s successor and third cousin), and Trek Bicycle Company President and CEO John Burke–want to congratulate what’s-his-name, winner of that huge factor they do, who accomplished the whatever-it-is in file time:
In reality, he beat the earlier file time by over a day:
Hats off to Victor Bosoni, who simply completed the 2026 Tour Divide in record-breaking time! Using with exceptional pace, self-discipline, and composure from Banff to Antelope Wells, the younger French ultracyclist accomplished the route in simply 11 days, 8 hours, and 27 minutes, greater than a day and a half quicker than the official earlier males’s file. From his recovery-first method to his meticulously dialed setup, Bosoni delivered one of the vital spectacular performances within the historical past of the race.
I’m additionally pretty positive that when the above article went to press, Laurens Ten Dam was in second place, nonetheless out using, and a full day away from ending. Now, I understand most individuals will conclude from all this that Victor Bosoni is de facto quick and deserves an enormous quantity of respect, however all it means to me is that these “races” are too lengthy. Sorry, margins of victory shouldn’t be measured in days. The place’s the suspense!?! It’s just like the Olympic Cover And Search, however even that resulted in a tie:
Oh, and right here’s a screenshot of the motion:
Thrilling.
Following these items is like refreshing the UPS web site once I’m ready for a brand new bike, however no less than with that I truly get one thing on the finish:
Additionally, in the event you’re tempted to level out that the Tour Divide takes a lot much less time to finish than the Tour de France, the essential distinction is that with the latter there’s an intensive accounting on the finish of every day and a ceremony, which no less than provides you a motive to verify again in and see what occurred. However 11 straight days of biking is just too lengthy, and there’s no method I’m following that. If somebody units out on a motorbike within the morning they usually’re not again by the top of the day then so far as I’m involved they’ve ceased to exist and it’s time to maneuver on with my life.
Or, to place it one other method, any biking occasion by which the members carry toothbrushes on them whereas they experience mustn’t rely as a motorbike race:
(Not less than I hope they brush their tooth…)
Technically that’s referred to as a “trip.” And that doesn’t take away from the arduous nature of the occasion, both, since there’s no legislation that holidays need to be enjoyable.
And in the event you assume my disdain for aggressive ultra-endurance biking means I help laid-back “alt” biking, effectively that’s the place you’re unsuitable:
Look, they’re attempting too arduous, then there’s not attempting arduous sufficient. Generally it looks like everybody’s both turning themselves inside out on some pointlessly grueling gravel experience, or else aggressively attempting to out-slow one another on what till just lately we used to name “hybrids.”
It’s like a classic Univega catalog come to life!
However I understand after all that every one of that is simply the tedious grousing of an growing older roadie whose formative biking years had been spent on aggressive group rides the place no one talked and in the event you acquired dropped you’d wind up alone and confused, 50 miles from house someplace within the neighborhood of the Westchester County Airport. Why I adopted that path as a substitute of falling in with a bunch of collegial individuals who rode slowly, carried satchels, and stopped to fish I’ll by no means really perceive. I’ve by no means considered myself as aggressive–in all probability as a result of I’ve by no means truly come near successful something–however I suppose like so many different aggressive individuals in denial who suck I’ve sublimated this aggressive intuition into the ridicule of others.
Truly, that’s not completely true, as a result of I did win a huge BMX trophy someday in the course of the Reagan administration:
I swear I by no means cry myself to sleep with it.
Talking of crying, I can guarantee you these aren’t tears of despair, they’re tears of laughter:
Listed here are some phrases strung collectively in a sure order that convey completely no which means in anyway:
“The bicycle transforms one of the vital profitable racing types ever created into a unprecedented expression of each innovation and savoir-faire,” Pinarello mentioned in a press release, “Representing the last word assembly level between elite sport and high-end luxurious.
As for the article, they actually buried the lede, as a result of the true story is that FANTASTIC Vuitton skinsuit:
Behold, the world’s most aloof cyclocross racer:
Overlook the professional peloton, it’s a tragic day for Campagnolo after they don’t even make the Louis Vuitton style present…
