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Horst Case Scenario – Bike Snob NYC

Oktober 18, 2025
in Cycling
Reading Time: 17 mins read
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The newest factor in gra- uh, broccoli bikes is in fact full suspension:

And it not too long ago occurred to me that I’m at the moment in possession of a full suspension broccoli bike, because of Traditional Cycle:

Positive, when it was new it was thought of a mountain bike–and a cutting-edge one at that–however by in the present day’s requirements it resides squarely in broccoli nation.

It had been awhile since I final rode the ol’ AMP-ersand, however fall is the perfect time of 12 months for what within the pre-broccoli days we used to name “mountain biking,” so I hit the trailway and soft-tailed it to the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall:

There’s nothing extra decadent than a mid-week experience, and I gleefully thumbed each my nostril and my gears at my tasks:

Apart from my tasks because the Traditional Cycle Previous Crap Take a look at Pilot, that’s:

In addition to my further tasks as a complete Pearl Izumi whore empowered intercourse employee:

When Pearl Izumi despatched me a complete whole graveling broccoli-ing outfit, they included their so-called “Expedition Shorts,” which–get this–are literally half shorts. (No less than those they despatched me are, although it seems to be like in addition they are available in a bib model.) It’s been many a 12 months since I’ve worn a daily half-short, and I’m undecided why they despatched me these, although maybe they observed my bushy legs and figured I match the demographic. I can’t say I really like the dearth of shoulder straps once I’m driving a motorbike with drop bars, however on the much less rangy AMPer they really feel simply advantageous. I do actually just like the facet pocket, which is significantly larger than the one on the final broccoli outfit they despatched me, and which I actually recognize as a result of I not too long ago bought a a lot bigger telephone, and whereas it doesn’t match within the pocket on the outdated shorts it does slot in these. So that they’ve bought that going for them, which is sweet.

Oh, and I even wore the flat pedal sneakers they despatched me a couple of years in the past:

I desire common sneakers more often than not, however these are somewhat bit higher for so-called “mountain biking” on extra aggressive pedals with pins.

All of that is to say I arrived on the Trails Behind The Mall wanting like some type of super-dork who teleported in from the twentieth century and bought his DNA scrambled with a mountain biker and a roadie–although the paths themselves have been resplendent of their fall foliage:

And whereas it’s at all times stunning how comically tiny 26-inch wheels really feel once you return to them, the sunshine and nimble AMPer is sort of a enjoyable bike on which to scAMPer:

Additionally, just like the Y-Foil, I’m free to take pleasure in it regardless of its evil suspension as a result of it’s outdated and out of date and due to this fact not a menace to my beliefs. Better of all, there was a time when to show your smugness and your mettle on the paths you used to must experience a singlespeed or no less than a inflexible bike, however now mountain bikers are so coddled merely driving a motorbike with 26-inch wheels and rim brakes is ample to make folks suppose you’re punishing your self needlessly. And talking of rim brakes, should you’re sufficiently old you most likely bear in mind your bike making a continuing motorbike sound right now of 12 months as a result of leaves have been at all times getting caught in there:

That is the one actual benefit to disc brakes, although I suppose the loud freehubs everybody makes use of now have made up for it. If there’s one factor cyclists can’t appear to tolerate, it’s silence.

Possibly this full suspension broccoli bike factor goes to catch on in spite of everything:

I’d put drop bars on it, however the entrance finish is so low I’d break my again attempting to succeed in them.

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Tags: BikecaseHorstNYCscenarioSnob
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