James Nixon | 2:49pm BST 13 June 2026
I count on there are numerous of these frequenting the CW website and its Discussion board who’re discovering all of the reporting on, agonising and carping about night-time curfews – plus disapproval and restrictions on when and the place alcohol is allowed to be consumed – to be an more and more irritating and miserable saga. Right here is printed another, radical, strategy to ponder.
The way in which during which Rob Key has spoken, most just lately, to the press about his conversations with Ben Stokes on “the tradition of the England males’s cricket crew” and “the necessity for change” made me suppose there was dialogue amounting to many days of time. As neither of them are extremely educated, my guess is there could have been a few chats lasting an hour or so which have gotten repeated between them endlessly as time has worn on.
A Backdrop
In his lauded guide, Philosophical Investigations – printed posthumously in 1953 – Ludwig Wittgenstein contends that the “bewitchment” (or fascinating/mesmerising nature) of philosophical issues come up from philosophers’ misguided makes an attempt to think about the which means of phrases independently of their context, utilization, and grammar – which he labelled language gone on vacation. Philosophical issues come up, he argued, when language is pressured from its correct dwelling right into a metaphysical atmosphere, the place all of the acquainted and essential landmarks and contextual clues are eliminated.
As a substitute, philosophers ought to “depart the frictionless ice and return to the tough floor of extraordinary language in use.” Many examples are given of how the primary false steps will be prevented, in order that philosophical issues are dissolved, fairly than solved. “The readability we’re aiming at is, certainly, full readability. And which means philosophical issues ought to fully disappear.”
The interpretation on this assertion within the context of the brand new regime for England cricketers, begun in Could 2022, must be abundantly clear.
Portrait of LW
About the identical time, the distinguished historian J.H. (Jack) Plumb wrote in 1950:
The good downside for philosophers and theologians of the early eighteenth century, because it has been ever since science started to dominate mental life, was to reconcile cause with faith…The curiosity on this battle of books (or thought) was not confined to the individuals, for non secular literature was simply, then as now, the perfect vendor.
Portrait of Jack Plumb

20 years later, Tom Stoppard – in his good multi-faceted stage play Jumpers – satirised an ethical thinker’s obsession with the query, Does God Exist? Initially carried out on the Previous Vic Theatre in London in February 1972.
Portrait of Tom Stoppard

In each the latter instances, presaging the tensions and obsessions of this new regime underneath Brendon McCullum.
And I really feel it extremely probably that the playwright and cricket lover Harold Pinter, if nonetheless with us at the moment, could be making a stage play out of all of it. This to be loved on two ranges, similar to most of his performs, equivalent to The Dumb Waiter (1957), The Birthday Occasion (1958) and The Caretaker (1960). Not lots of adaptation wanted for this one! Extra a matter of getting the casting proper and the timing of the actors’ strains fine-tuned.
A Radical Various Method
So to my instructed answer to place an finish all of the jabber surrounding England participant curfews and alcohol. In a nutshell, I urge the crew administration to step onto the tough floor of laissez-faire – hands-off, allied to participant self-determination. To elucidate:
If a selector, I might choose England gamers on current type, in Exams and County matches, and drop them on lack of it. The state of being in, or out, of type being a topic about which Mike Brearley has written extensively in his nicely acquired guide titled On Kind (first printed in September 2017). Coupled with this, I might do away – solely – with imposed curfews and restraints/constraints on ingesting alcohol.
One may – and I believe one ought to – go additional and drop a participant from the Take a look at crew, even when doing satisfactorily or fairly nicely, if he’s thought of to not be performing as much as his current potential – ie performing considerably beneath it. (Potential potential being a distinct matter.)
The selectors already need to make subjective judgements on an entire number of issues when selecting a Take a look at crew. This matter could be comparable in nature, although not in form, to various others. Reminiscent of: how will he cope when going through categorical deliveries, not often encountered thus far; will he have the ability to address 100,000 spectators on the MCG, most of whom will probably be strongly partisan; will his current sequence of teaching periods, to iron out a specific fault, arise in match play; can he mix successfully with a newcomer at quantity 5 within the batting order?
This motion in responding to a participant’s under-performing relative to his functionality could be taken regardless of the cause(s) for it are – which needn’t, and wouldn’t, be gone into within the public area. And right here’s a key pay-off: no extra inquests would come up into who stayed out too late; who drank an excessive amount of booze the place and when; was he actually intoxicated when mixing with strangers on his manner again to the lodge; have been these gamers being aggressive in a public place; and so forth – so distracting for one and all.
The White Horse Pub at Parsons Inexperienced, south-west London:a venue for Ben Stokes and Gus Atkinson on seventh June after the Lord’s Take a look at had ended.

On this state of affairs, the current de facto “tenure” system put in place by Brendon McCullum – analogous to the job safety granted to college professors within the title of educational freedom – must be jettisoned; and the Central Contracts with the ECB (introduced in throughout 12 months 2000) be achieved away with. Simply pay the Take a look at gamers correctly; and, by the way in which, not in a extremely pyramidal type the place the elite get disproportionately remunerated.
All informed, this way of living ought to, I imagine, serve to extra strongly incentivise these On The Fringe – and likewise these someway Past the Fringe – to attempt for a spot within the England crew. In so doing, it also needs to assist dampen the exodus to T20 Leagues world wide.
If there are fisticuffs and suchlike in pubs and nightclubs, the legislation of the land can care for that, as long as there’s CCTV in place.




















